He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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