she looked like the before picture.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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