I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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