Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
