My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
