4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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