Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
