I'm so fucking centered right now
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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