There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You dont lie about slip and slides
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
