Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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