East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
