She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize