is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
