I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
