"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
