no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You need a sexual gate keeper
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
