This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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