Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
