so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize