every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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