matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
