This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
