I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
