Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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