I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
