Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
