Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
