She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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