Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
