and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
