i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
