shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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