I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
