I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
