Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize