I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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