chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
