Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We're too hungover to prance.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
