Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
