Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
