dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
