Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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