you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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