I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
