i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize