hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
