So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
