So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
