Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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