I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
