I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize