Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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