He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
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