i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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