Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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