I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
