mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
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