I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
