I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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