She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
