I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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