How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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