Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You took a bar mat shot.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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