Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
