I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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