how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
